So you’ve just picked up a sweet new hatchback/SUV and it now needs a sweet new name to go with it.

Well, lucky for you, Suzuki doesn’t just sell the best SUVs and cars in Australia—we’re also the best at naming cars in Australia.

So, here’s the definitive guide on naming your new hatchback/SUV/any car really from the handsome geniuses who came up with the “Suzuki Cappuccino”.

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PICK AN ANIMAL

Cars and animals have a lot in common. Both sometimes run on all fours and both live outside. The similarities are truly uncanny.

So, while you may be rocking a compact SUV, nothing’s stopping you from picking an enormous name for your car inspired by one of the enormous behemoths that we somehow tricked into being below us on the food chain.

Just ask: if your car had a spirit animal, what would it be? Is your SUV’s name Bear? Is it the Mammoth? The Armadillo?

But why limit yourself to real animals? This is your car, and you can legally name it whatever you want.

So, hop on in, everyone! We’re going for a trip in CYBERNETIC LAZER EAGLE.

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NUMBER PLATE INSPIRATION

Okay, so the animal kingdom isn’t doing it for you, and neither are fungi or plantae.

Fair nuff.

But what if we told you that the secret to naming your incredible hatchback or SUV might be right under your (car’s) nose?

That’s right: check your number plate.

This isn’t always a sure thing, but sometimes VicRoads/Service NSW/Department of Transport and Main Roads/whoever handles road infrastructure for the other states cuts you some slack and hands you a rego plate called “TIM220” or “JIM813” or “KIM931”.

This is also a great way to save some scratch on a vanity name plate.

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THINK GLOBAL

Fact: if you named your car something like Lightning or Fire, people might think it’s a little lame.

Another fact: if you named your car something like Lightning or Fire but in another language, people will think you’re a cultured, multi-lingual genius who holidays on the Amalfi Coast and has a black belt in karate.

Guaranteed, probably.

That’s why we named our cars the Baleno and the Ignis—Italian for Lightning and Fire—because an awesome hatchback and an awesome SUV need an equally awesome, internacionalé name to do them justice.

You probably don’t want either of those things near your car, though.

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NAME IT AFTER YOUR MUM

Pro: mum will love it.

Con: dad might feel a bit jibbed.

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NAME IT AFTER YOUR DAD

Pro: dad will love it.

Con: mum might feel a bit jibbed.

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NAME IT AFTER YOUR KIDS

Pro: everyone will love it.

Con: need kids

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NAME YOUR KIDS AFTER YOUR CAR

Pro: you will love it.

Con: probably none.

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STEAL A CAR… NAME

So, you’ve accepted you don’t have the creativity to come up with a sweet, original name for your automobile like Jim Car-rey, Hooligan Désirée, or simply the Best SUV in Australia.

It’s cool, not everyone can.

And that realisation has freed you from the burden of originality, so now you can do what you were born to do: steal a name for your car from somewhere else.

We cannot emphasise this enough: no copyright lawyer on Earth has the power to stop you from calling your small car, regular hatchback, compact SUV or regular SUV whatever you want.

Want to call it the Batmobile? Do it.

Want to call it Bumblee? You can, and Michael Bay can’t do anything about it.

Want to call it Vin Diesel? It’d probably be funnier for a diesel car, but sure. Whatever.

You do you.

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You should pretty much be able to name any car now with ease—be it a coupe, a station wagon, hatchback or SUV.

But like with anything, practice makes perfect.

Feel free to get your hours up by naming any car you see; your friends’, your neighbours’, even cars that are just driving past.

Or better yet, head into a Suzuki dealership and feel free to name some of ours. And also take a test drive.