Suzuki Storytime: The Cleverest, Best Hatchback Ever

Updated

So, you’re on another drive in your compact SUV with your compact family. Or whatever kind of Suzuki/family you drive. You do you.

But oh no! The electronic device you were keeping your kids subdued with has run flat. What do you do now? Switch on the radio and listen to the news?

We cannot stress this enough: do NOT listen to the news. None of it is good.

No. What you do is break out another captivating automotive-themed, drive time story like the renowned storysmith you are.

Don’t know any captivating automotive-themed, drive time stories? Just memorise this one that we’re about to make one up for you!

Let’s Set the Scene…

In the far away land of Hatchback Cars (or whatever you want to call your magical, far away land full of whimsy and wonder…) there was the mighty magical mountain, Mount Carhorn. And while mighty magical mountains are a dime (or ten cent coin for all us non-yanks) a dozen, atop Mount Carhorn there was rumoured to be a magical treasure.

Magical treasure is the ultimate plot device. Kids go nuts for treasure. Plus, treasure can be anything. Just saying the word “treasure” gets your point across without having to go into any pesky details about what the treasure actually is.

Everyone gets the point and no one is going to ask annoying questions like “why is it on top of a mountain?”

Because it’s important, that’s why.

Scene Set. Now What?

Now we’re gonna raise the stakes. Treasure that’s easy to get isn’t treasure: it’s just stuff.

The treasure of Mount Carhorn was rumoured by all the cars, SUVs and hatchbacks who lived in the land of Hatchback Cars to not only be super magical and awesome, but also guarded by a dragon: the coolest of all the animals.

Only a car that was clever, pure of heart and incredible value could ascend (or climb if your kids aren’t old enough to get the word “ascend” yet) Mt Carhorn and claim the treasure.

Cool, But Where Are the Characters?

Don’t you mean “car-acters”? No? Fine.

An important tip when making up the main character of your kid’s story is you want your hero to be likable. And one of the best ways to make a hero likable is to make them underdog. Think Frodo Baggins, think Luke Skywalker, think Rocky Balboa.

The Swift wasn’t the biggest, or the strongest car in the in the land of Hatchback Cars. They weren’t a hot hatch, a compact SUV or even a mid-size SUV—they were simply an excellent quality, incredibly good value hatchback.

“You’ll never be able to climb Mt Carhorn,” said a really mean SUV/ute from one of our competitor brands. “You’ll 100% get eaten, or something.”

But the Swift ignored all those mean, inferior, expensive, unreliable competitor models who said they couldn’t climb Mt Carhorn. the Swift had to climb Mt Carhorn for <insert a reason why your hero needs to do this thing here. Is it for love? Is it for family? Do they want to buy a bunch of those fuzzy dice that hang from the rear view mirror? All noble causes.>

Adventure Awaits!

No, it doesn’t. Adventure a-happens right now!

The Swift began to climb the peak of Mt Carhorn, nimbly navigating the narrow route that would’ve been too treacherous for a less compact car, a less small hatch.

After many twists, and many turns, they came to a fork in the road, and a convenient road sign read:

Choose wisely. One path leads to treasure. The other, leads to not treasure. And a lot of it.

Luckily, the Swift was a clever little car who came fully equipped with a touchscreen sat nav. They typed the word “TREASURE” into their navigation system.

“Turn right if you want lots of treasure,” the navigation system chirped.

“Yeah,” the Swift replied. “I do want lots of treasure.”

And so, they turned right and their adventure continued.

That It?

Nah, don’t worry. More stuff is about to happen.

About 7.2km further down the road—at least according to The Swift’s incredibly accurate and intuitive satellite navigation system—they were stopped by a large stone pillar, suspended horizontally across the road; blocking The Swift’s path.

They’d heard tell of this, and knew that before their headlights sat the great Boomgates of Mt Carhorn.

Next to the gate was a small kiosk, and an attendant/kiosk wizard (kids also love wizards… definitely sprinkle some wizards in throughout your story) popped their head out.

“To pass this boom, you must pay the fee,” the attendant/kiosk wizard began to rhyme. “Sing for us now a classic melody.”

Luckily, the Swift’s intuitive touchscreen also came equipped with a top line media system. The Swift fired up the greatest ballad that these lands had ever been heard throughout the land of Hatchback Cars: Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing.

No lie: the attendant/kiosk wizard started crying from how good that song is.

“Yeah,” the attendant/kiosk wizard said through tears of joy. “Nice one. Go through, mate.”

The Payoff

This is it. Or is it? I’m pretty sure we signposted a dragon—and when you promise your audience a dragon you better deliver.

Passing beyond the Boom Gate, the Swift spotted something in its headlights. Something shiny. Something treasure-y. It was 10/10 the Magical Treasure of Mt Carhorn.

But just as The Swift began to approach, a dragon landed in their path.

"Come to a safe halt!” the dragon roared. “Who goes there?”

“I’m a Suzuki Swift,” The Swift replied.

“Correct. You have passed my test,” the dragon boomed.

“Seriously?” the Swift asked.

“Yeah,” the dragon mightily roared. “No car has ever gotten this far before and I really need a lift down the mountain.”

And They All Lived Happily Ever After?

You bet your bumper they did.

And so they loaded the booty into the Swift’s boot—which was so spacious for small hatch that it easily fit—and travelled back down the mountain, past the mighty Boom Gates, past the attendant/kiosk wizard, past the convenient road sign and the road that led to not treasure, and back to the village of Hatchback Cars.

The rest of the small hatches, the compact SUVs, and even the terrible competitor vehicles praised the Swift as a mighty hero, and they and the dragon used the treasure to open the most prosperous car wash in all the land of Hatchback Cars.

The end.


Listening to us tell you how great our cars are, is kinda like listening to your mum tell you that you’re the best-looking kid at school. Sorry mum.

So, don’t just take our word for it. Let us know which Suzuki you’ve got your eye on and we’ll send you a list of independent reviews.

Oh, by the way if you ask us, mum was right—you’re a legend.

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